Purr!  Let’s see what’s goin’ on in ma ‘hood!

All’s quiet.  All’s as it should be.  But, wait, what’s that?

I see something in the shrubbery.

Marshmallow!

That’s GOT to be her.

Marshmallow!

You scoundrel!  Don’t think I don’t see you!

SCOUNDREL!  Come out here!

Yeah, what do you want now?

I ain’t pickin’ on you today.  I stared you down.  You were a chump.  It’s over.

Marshmallow!  It is FAR from over.

I will exact my revenge upon you.  Just hang on there a minute while I come up with a plan.

I’m here all afternoon.  Wake me up when you get back, okay?

Something tells me Marshmallow does not perceive me as a threat.  I guess the dark ritual I cast upon her didn’t quite do the job.

But you will learn, my nemesis.  Your time … is now.  Meow.

I have never forgiven her for that day she traumatized me, acting all creepy around me during my walk outside.

But how do I do it?  It’s coming to me.  It’s coming to me.

Wait, no, that’s just a hairball.

I got it!

I must become…

Pirate Chomper!

I will peel her fur like a mango!  YARRR!!!  With the very blood I spill from her veins, I shall spice the rum in my cat dish.

She thinks she can sit around outside MY TURF!  I’ll show her!

I’ll dig my claws into her neck and eat her face!

No, Pirate Chomper chooses if and when to chomp.

Otherwise, the fluffy terrorist has won.  Gotta put these angry whiskers on ice!

Seriously, I need to take a chill treat.

Hey, ever try catnip hookah?  Follow me!

Purr!

Welcome to my cozy hookah den!

This here is my closest, dearest friend.  My hookah.

We’ve spent a lot of time together.

What, you’re nervous about trying it?

It’s perfectly safe.  I need to get my temper in check.  Don’t let me down.

That’s right.  Breathe the catnip goodness deep into the lungs.

What’re you coughing for?  You’re such an amateur.

Here, let me have a puff.

MeOW!!!

I didn’t know peanut butter was that good at pinochle.

What were we talking about?

I totally forget.  Here, let me have another drag.

Purrrrrr.  My furry noggin is toasted.

Why didn’t you remind me to stop?  You know I have an addictive personality.

Meow.  I am so hammered.

I can’t remember anything.

Wait, it’ll come to me.  It’ll come to me….

It’s not coming to me.

Have you ever wondered if we were meant for something more?

Is this really our lot in life?  Lighting up all the time?

Hey Marshmallow?

Marshmallow!

Yeah?

Whaddaya want this time?

I d’no.

What DO I want?

*stretch*  I just felt like chatting.

You don’t wanna chat?

Wait, I have a question…

Yeah?

What were we talking about?

I’m so jealous.  Luna’s high again.

Yep, I smell it.  Smells like she’s smokin’ the good stuff, too.  I should start being nicer to her.

I think I see a bug on the ceiling.  Is that a bug?

If the spot crawls away, it’s a bug.  I’m in no hurry.  Let’s see if it’s a bug.