Every so often, I’ll respond to some of my fan mail. This one I received from the home of one of my both good friends and long time readers, Melissa Stroud:
I love my owner. I make sure she gets up at 5am even on days she doesn’t work and let her know when it’s time for her to go to bed (that’s 10pm regardless of the day). But I’m having a problem with brushings. She brushes me, and I like it, but she wants me to stay still while she does it. I want her to be healthy and have her follow me all over the house while she brushes me but she seems to not appreciate the extra activity. I love her and want her to get her exercise! How can I get her to stop trying to make me stay still for brushings?
Dearest Feline Parent,
To master the art of the brushing, one must first seek the truth within their heart…
What does the brushing mean to you? What wisdom do you wish to gain? What do you hope to accomplish? To be brushed before clarity is sought is to not be brushed at all, for while your fur may be straightened, your thoughts will remain unkempt.
Do not be foolhardy. Do not accept such brushings until you are ready. Seek out enlightenment on the highest cabinet, or solace beneath the heaviest bed. Meditate, and ponder your thoughts. If you are true to yourself, the answers you seek will rise up from the clouds of uncertainty.
But … honestly, from one feline parent to another …
You just have got to take control of the situation! Humans are simple creatures. You name yours Melissa? That’s a pretty name. Anyway, it’s all about reward. They of course appreciate material things, but probably not the insects we’ve half-squished and lobotomized. They do appreciate affection, but that wouldn’t give them very much exercise, would it?
No, it’s all about adventure! Humans like adventure, and this is the key to keep them following you. Look, Feline Parent…
You’re as nocturnal as the rest of us, right? You have all this time to explore the parts of your kingdom that the silly human might not even know about. When they approach you with a brush, get a headstart and take them on a little tour. They’ll enjoy brushing as much as you if they can do it without all the monotony.
Don’t let the human get too close though, or else they might get excited and try to grab you. If they do, tear em a new one. Unlike us cats, humans can be taught. They learn better than any other creature on God’s green earth, so it should be quick. They’ll learn to appreciate what they get rather than holding a brush in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.
I hope my advice helps. You definitely have got the right attitude though, and I wish all owners were as kind to their humans as you are!